when i first heard of shark weak i thought no. impossible. no such thing. shark strong
depression is like trying to peel a potato with another potato its not fun it doesnt work and you just wanna cry
Remember when Troy didn’t want any of his friends to know he liked to sing so he broke into a song in the middle of their practice?
i hate when applications are like “why do you want to work here”
because i need money
what do you want me to say omfg
I HAVE A PASSION FOR FROZEN YOGURT
- Mom: "Zoe, what's taking so long?"
- Me: "She's walking in slow motion and stopping to pose."
- Zoe: "I AM SELENA GOMEZ!"
do you ever go into a book store and just find all of your favourite author’s books even though you already have them and you just hover in that general area for a while
I was folding laundry and didn’t know if a shirt was mine or my little sister’s and omg she’s getting so big creys when did this happen and why do I care does this mean I’m getting old because I’m all nostalgic about when she was A STUPID LITTLE BABY THAT THREW UP ON EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME AND NOW SHE’S AN 11 YEAR OLD THAT THROWS UP ON EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME WHY DO I HAVE FEELS RIGHT NOW THIS ISN’T AN EPISODE OF SHERLOCK HANNAH GET YOURSELF TOGETHER AND FOCUS ON FICTIONAL CHARACTERS okay I’m over it pardon me *sips tea*
I hear the final test for becoming a Master Pickpocket is to switch places with a baby kangaroo.
When he says ” Who’s your daddy” say your actual father’s name.
One two three four, I declare a thumb war!
*EXPLOSIONS. DEATH. THUMB CIVILIANS HUNG FROM LAMPPOSTS*
Apparently there are these people who eat when they are hungry and stop when they are full.
SOMEONE ON TUMBLR DISAGREES WITH MITT ROMNEY; WORLD STUNNED
There is an old lady called “Nine out of ten dentists” and she is being held hostage and forced to recommend things
one time we got a new kid in fifth grade and he walks right in and sticks his hand under the stapler and staples his hand and just looks at the teacher and goes “I’m going to the nurse” and leaves
stepping on a snail makes me feel guilty for days i don’t know how i’d cope with murdering an actual person
did you know that running is something some people do on purpose
if people see you 20% more attractive than you see yourself everyone must think i’m 120% hot